Weekend Entertainment

Here's something to remind us that, deep down inside, each one of us is just an average, everyday, normal guy:

Next Game: Double-Header!

Sunday, January 3rd, at the Park School in Brookline, MA.
Game 1: 7:30 a.m. (Important note: this first game will be in the other gym, up the stairs).
Game 2: 9:00 a.m.

Let's declare ourselves a good team by grabbing 6 points!

Tip of the week: go to bed an hour earlier than you normally do.

Scheduling Change!

Please note the following important schedule change:

We now have an early (I'm not kidding) double-header.

Sun-Jan 3	Dean Park Rangers	v	Natick FC	7:30 AM	Park 3	Regular	Farboodmanesh, Williams
Sun-Jan 3	FC Barosh	v	Dean Park Rangers	9:00 AM	Park 2	Regular	Farboodmanesh, Wilson

Same bat place, same bat time (actually earlier, if you can believe it), same bat referee. Oh wait, that was a typo--I meant bad referee.

All Work and No Play...

Happy Holidays!

No Games Tomorrow!

All games canceled due to snow.

THE PARK SCHOOL IS CLOSED SUNDAY ALL GAMES ARE CANCELED STAY TUNED FOR FURTHER ANNOUNCEMENTS

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Winter Weather Warning!

Those of you who are new to the league should know that it always snows right before our games. Always.

The current forecast predicts heavy snow starting late tonight and early tomorrow, especially for you south-of-95 folks.

So, there are two things you all must do:

(1) Check your email before you go to bed tonight and again when you wake up in the morning. If the games are canceled, the league will send me an email, which I will immediately forward to you. If the notice is close to game time, I will also call or send a text message.

(2) Even if the game is on, please leave extra time for roads that will likely not be plowed very well if at all. Sunday mornings are notorious for crappy road conditions. The twists and turns of Goddard Ave. are especially dangerous. I spun out (literally, a 360°) last year in February. So, to recap. Leave plenty of time. Drive carefully!

Instant Classic: Christmas Time for the Jews

Please Let Me Know!

To the upper right, there is a poll asking you to indicate which (one, both, or none) of the early January games you will be attending. Please let me know as soon as possible what your plans are. Tinkyoo!

Holiday Schedule

The league has posted our schedule for the upcoming holiday period, which is as follows:

Dean Park Rangers's Schedule

Date Home Away Time/Status Venue Game Type Officials Sun-Dec 6 Dean Park Rangers 5 - 4 Berklee Complete Park 1 Regular Farboodmanesh, Macone Sun-Dec 20 Nevada 1 v Dean Park Rangers 8:00 AM Park 1 Regular Farboodmanesh, Forman Sun-Dec 20 Dean Park Rangers v Natick FC 9:30 AM Park 3 Regular Farboodmanesh, Wilson Sun-Jan 3 FC Barosh v Dean Park Rangers 9:00 AM Park 2 Regular Sun-Jan 10 Dean Park Rangers v Otpisani FC 8:30 AM Park 3 Regular

Please note there is no game on December 27th, which for all the gentiles is the Sunday after Christmas.

FC Baroch beats Otpisani

Wow, things are already interesting. Otpisani, whose team members were each selected by their respective high school yearbook committees as "Most Likely to Ethnically Cleanse," lost to FC Baroch. Does this mean there will be a 3-way race?

Mmmmm, 3-way.

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Next Game: Double-Header!

Sunday, December 20th, at the Park School in Brookline, MA.
Game 1: 8:00 a.m.
Game 2: 9:30 a.m. (Important note: the second game will be in the other gym, up the stairs).

Let's get up for these games, lads!

No Game this Week!

Winter Haiku: "Hey Carlos, Great Game!"

Carlos wanted me to remind everyone that he had a great game. Since I was going to do a winter haiku anyway, I thought I would make Carlos's having a great game the subject of our first haiku.

So here it goes:

Great Game Carlos

Hey Carlos, great game
You really had a great game
Just want to say thanks

Late Entry: Natick

Looks like Natick just joined the league. If nothing else, they make the league more fun. Can't wait to play them.



DISCLAIMER: Before anyone asks, or starts yelling, please note that the above image is totally random and in no way is meant to disparage Natick or black people, or to imply that black people live in Natick. I didn't make the picture, and I don't endorse it or vouch for it or find it amusing. It was the first hit when I did a google images search for "Natick."

Rules is Rules

Since our local futsal rules change every year, I though I would make a simple round-up of the key rules that we need to be aware of. Here we go:

Time: There is no overtime, injury time or stoppage time. Hello, fake injuries.

Substitutions: A substitute may not enter the match until the player leaving the match is at the touchline in the substitution zone. Coaches are asked to have players slap hands at the touchline to ensure that no more than five players are on the court at once. Yup, that's what it says.

Kick-offs: are indirect.

Goal Clearances: Goalkeepers may throw the ball directly across the half-way line. In these leagues, goal clearances are indirect. A ball thrown directly into the opposing goal results in a goal clearance for the opposing team. This is a major rule change that we need to adjust to, both offensively with deep throws, and defensively, by lying deeper on defense to concede the short throw.

Goalkeepers: May not possess the ball for more than four seconds in her own half. This applies even to possession on a back pass.

The "Back-Pass" rule: goalkeepers may only touch/receive the ball once per team possession unless the ball crosses the half-way line, after which time the goalkeeper may touch/receive the ball again. Ok, this is totally different then what they told us on Sunday. We need to clarify before each game what the referee thinks the rule is, and plan accordingly.

Scheduling Update

The pre-Christmas schedule is posted on league site. I have worked it so that there is no game this Sunday. Instead, we have a double-header on December 20th. This will allow Carlos to parade around South Beach in his thong, Mike and Paul to get that much smarter up in Maine, and Charlie and Val to drink like bandits on Saturday at the annual Wassail drink-a-thon in Southie. Free plug: the party starts at 9 p.m. and probably ends when the ambulance arrives.

Dean Park Divas

Hmmm, this would be a good name for our all girls team that Carlos and I have talked about starting.

What's with the Gimp?

Is it me, or do they let anyone ref these days? Seriously, what is the point of having two refs if one of them is pretty much doing nothing but blocking the view of the game and contributing to global warming.

Match Report: Attractive, and Then Really, Really, Ridiculously, Ugly

Dean Park Rangers kicked off the new season today, and if the match was a celebrity couple, the first half was Beyonce (attractive, flowing, with juicy thighs--wait, what are we talking about?) and the second half was Jay-Z (just plain ugly). DPR built a 5-1 halftime lead on some solid defending, consistent offensive pressure, and decent finishing.

Then Val and Charlie arrived, using the ol' "I-though-the-game-was-8:30" excuse, and things went awry. I am not saying the two are related. Just pointing out the chronology.

Anyway, the marking became loose, forcing Dave to make lots of saves and earning him the Man of the Match. Our counters were marred by some bad passes (mostly mine) and missed shots that would have blown the game wide open had we converted even one single, cotton-picking chance. Oh well.

Jeff and Val debuted with solid efforts. Former DP Ranger Nick was back and showed us that he still has some of the old magic. Carlos looked strong in his first game back from assorted injuries since the Johnson Administration. Dan as usual was everywhere. Charlie pulled a Greg Kite (I think literally) getting 5 fouls and 0 points in an 8 minute stretch. Champ, I am kidding, you probably only had 3 fouls, and they were all bad calls.

Anyway, a win is a win. We will play better from here on out.

Final score:

DPR 5 - 4 Berklee

Team record: 1-0-0

Back in Action!

After a long off-season, Dean Park Rangers is back in action!

And with weddings in the air, it is appropriate that this year's squad features something old (Dave and me, but mostly Dave), something new (Jeff and Val), something borrowed (Carlos's "heterosexuality"), and something blue (OK, I admit that I didn't really think this through, so I have no clever way to mention Charlie, Dan, Nick, Paul and Mike...so all I got that is blue is Billy Blanks's super high-waisted jeans...enjoy).