Amber Alert!

Let's Get Motivated!

Odds and Ends

A couple of footnotes from Sunday, done in the style of the Boston Globe:

Ilyas failed to score for the 4th straight game....he missed an easy free kick from the edge of the box, which missed by about a foot, as well as a longer range kick, that he missed by an equally long margin..."he couldn't score in a brothel with a fist-full of $50s," said a former DPR defender with an English accent, speaking on condition of anonymity because he didn't not want to ruffle feathers after having been banned from the league for life...for the second or third time (I forget) in two years, DPR will face Otpisani in the final...DPR has never beaten Otpisani, although they came close to winning the first meeting ever meeting between the two clubs, conceding a late goal that resulted in a draw...

Things that make you go hmmmm...

Here is a math question:

Johnny and Timmy play in two different soccer games, which take place right next to each other at the same time. The results of Johnny's game are posted on the website within hours of the conclusion of the game. How much later does it take for the results of Timmy's game to get reported?

(a) 1 day, because Farbadouche's $7.99 haircut cuts down on the wind resistance encountered when uploading scores
(b) 2 days, because it is difficult to find time to upload scores during Discover Channel's Shark Week
(c) four days, because the results have to be certified by Secretary of State Galvin
(d) Never, because Jason is a c@nt
(e) All of the above

Match Report: Bzzzzzz

The DPR buzz saw was back in action, finally, after a long hiatus. In contrast to the last match against Baroch, where DPR struggled to eke out a 2-goal win, DPR exploded for 5 or so consecutive goals to start the second half, looking like the DPR of yore.

The match featured a little bit of everything. A team going over the limit on fouls. (Hint, it wasn't DPR). Two yellows for improper substitutions. (Hint, one of them was not against DPR). A goal by a keeper. A disallowed goal by the keeper, who curled a nasty shot from his own penalty area off the post and in.

The match featured some stellar defending by the Rangers. Paul as usual made some great saves. The only goals conceded were off of sloppy giveaways, or were the product of some bad bounces. Val, Dave and Nick marked exceptionally well, standing up the Baroch attackers and forcing the mouth-breathing one-man toxic tort to shoot harmlessly from the outside. More impressively was the way the defenders turned defense to quick offense. Clears were not aimless; they usually were passes to an open man that started a break in the other direction. That made for quick transition, and a Baroch team that was under constant pressure. The lone criticism was too much one-on-one dribbling in our own area in the first half.

A big improvement today was in the manner the team collectively pounced on loose balls. DPR won nearly every 50/50 ball, usually with 2 or 3 players converging on a ball to gain possession.

Offensively, Charlie and Dan dominated Baroch with a sober athleticism that has been rare for the team this season. The two of them were beasts, taking on defenders, and drilling shots at the mystified Baroch keeper. Nick and Mikey filled the spaces around them nicely, supporting odd-man rushes that are the key to victory. For example:

The one goal that really stick in my mind, for some reason, was the one where Nick started the play off to the left of our goal, and played to my feet. I held off the defender as Nick zipped down the sideline. I cleverly back heeled it along the line to Nick, who cut inside towards the goal, made the keeper come out, and calmly side-footed through his 5-hole.

Final Score:

DPR 11 - 5 FC Baroch
(DPR advances to Final)

Team Record: 4-1-0

Next Game: Semifinal match

Sunday, January 24th, at 9:00 a.m. at the Park School in Brookline, MA.

Did I mention that it is the playoffs?

Playoffs!

No motivational videos. No inspiration speeches. We should be up for this.

Next Game: Otpisani!

Sunday, January 10th, at 8:30 a.m. at the Park School (other building) in Brookline, MA.

Let's finally beat these guys! See the short inspirational movie below.

Inspiration for Next Match

Tournament Interest?

Every year, I get excited about the regional tournament, and every year there is no interest. So, in respect for tradition, let's do it again:

I received the following in various emails from our good friend Jason:



[EMAIL FROM JASON]

Last year you guys expressed interest in participating in the regional tournament, but we did not have a men's division. This year we will have a men's open division. The games will take place Jan. 15-18 in Brookline and Newton. More information at www.futsalma.com/regionals
...
Round robin games will be Saturday and Sunday, we have some flexibility if you'd prefer not to play either am or pm one of the two days.

What these means is that we would have to play on both Saturday and Sunday of a precious long weekend. I for one need to get away, and so I will be skiing (I know, Carlos: white people). If there are more than 5 of you who want to play, let me know today! Otherwise, I will tell Jason tomorrow that we are not interested. Sorry for the short notice.

Dave Appears to Be OK

Dave: "My Face Hurts"

Match Report #2: Silent But Deadly

Honestly, I was so pissed from the first match (see below) that I didn't pay much attention to this game. I know everyone scored but me. Whatever, goals are overrated.

The match began with goals being traded for the first half. As usual, we work harder to have nice goals, and other team cherry-picks goals with minimal effort. The first half saw DPR carrying the play, but every goal was answered by a Baroch counterstrike.

In the second half, there was a mini-goal explosion that put DPR up 8-6. Then a thunderous strike, probably by this sulfurous-spewing, mouth-breathing troglodyte with a lead foot, went literally through Dave and into the goal, leaving him laying on the ground, motionless (see post above). Dave would recover, and so would DPR, who would stave off any chance of a comeback by closing out the match with a 11-9 final.

Not much of a match report, I know. If you have goals or anecdotes that you think should have been included, feel free to comment them.

As compensation, here are some additional notes for the day.

• Dan made some smart plays near the end of the match, feathering the ball into the corners when there was nothing doing. The Bruins would have been proud.
• Courtney, Mrs. Carroll, and Daniella deserve points for showing up on a brutally early, snowy Sunday morning. Courtney and Mrs. Carroll really are the heart and soul of our fan base, and after googling the definition of the term "fan base," I realize that they are the fan base too. After a long duree, it was nice to see Daniella, who really is the Jackie O. of the DPR family.
• The mouth-breathing troglodyte is armed with a deadly right foot and even deadlier sphincter. I read the futsal rules, and apparently, there is no rule against chemical or biological gas attacks. I say we show up next time with some napalm.
  

Final score:

DPR 11 - 9 FC Baroch

Team record: 3-0-0

Match Report #1: Sometimes A Loss Is as Good as a Win

At 10 minutes before the 7:30 a.m. kickoff, there were two Dean Park Rangers, one ref, and no Natick players. Eventually, players for both teams accumulated, and a game was played. Charlie banged in 5 goals. Not much positive to say for DPR, as fumbles, poor marking, ridiculously excessive fouling, Swiss cheese walls (which goes badly with excessive fouling), and imprecise finishing let to a half-time lead quickly squandered, which turned into a 3 goal deficit that could not be rectified. A morning loss. Long faces.

Then, Bill Belichick tossed a challenge beanbag. "After further review, Natick apparently did not have enough players from its roster, and thus forfeited. Dean Park Rangers wins!"

That's right, you can go check the standings. I sh%t you not.

Final score:

DPR 8 - 0 Natick (forfeit)

Team record: 2-0-0